I just was watching a video and started to type this response, but thinking better of it, decided to post it here instead:
Dr. R, I have enjoyed your posts for the last almost year. It was just 10 months ago that I left a group that had preyed upon my mind and heart through the use of mind control techniques, which I was only able to recognize through finding Biderman’s Chart of Coercion and other sources of information including your channel. After leaving, I have spent much of this time investigating topics such as narcissism, mind control, child abuse etc. and I have seen many of your videos. I keep coming back to your channel over and over again and am always interested when you post a new topic.
This particular topic I find particularly interesting, and I would like to add something, which you and others may find helpful. In my own case, this was the only thing that saved me from giving in to the “hoovering”, and that was the knowledge that the person who was trying to get me to come back was
A) the only source of the information, that is, I was forced to have ‘absolute trust’ in what they were saying. There was no way I could know that they would hold up their end of the bargain other than to believe what they were saying without ever doubting them. This brought me invariably to the conclusion that I MUST NOT FALL FOR IT again, as they had disappointed me repeatedly in the past. and…
B) that the person in question, who was trying to get me to come back ALWAYS used some sort of fear tactic. In fact, for me personally, the “too much” aspect was a negative. It was not the dream vacation or the other person getting sober, or a new car or house. No, the leader of the cult I was wrapped up in was telling me that if I didn’t come back, I would be damned to hell. That might seem silly to some, but to someone who was hoping for enlightenment or salvation it seemed a very real possibility.
If you have been taught that the narcissist in question… that this person is the savior, the god who will lift you up out of misery, such a threat can be devastating. I had to hang on to two things at all times in order to escape this sort of hoovering maneuver. I had to tell myself that: This man is the ONLY SOURCE for the information he is giving me. There is no one to corroborate or confirm that he is who he says he is, or that he has the knowledge that he says he has. I have no proof other than his words. No one in the group (cult) so far has confirmed that his methods are helping them. In fact, I am not only not encouraged to be in touch with them and talk to them about this subject, I am being actively discouraged from doing this.
The second thing that I hung onto for dear life was that this person has ONLY EVER made me afraid of losing this promised salvation. Knowing that this was the driving force in my life they had been able to manipulate me for 23 years. This was NOT EASY. I had to constantly remind myself that the person had NEVER COME THROUGH on any promise and had always only blamed me for not being good enough, not being surrendered enough, or for some other shortcoming, when in fact I had done outright insane things to prove my surrender to them and to myself.
All the things that you are talking about are very much applicable to cults and cult leaders, but there are nuances that necessitate a little deeper investigation when it comes to cult dynamics. I have spent the last year studying this and find that we are living in a time when virtually everyone is being affected by this dynamic, having gone through the “indoctrination” process. I will leave it up to you, you can infer where this is headed.